My Testimony

My testimony is filled with broken pieces, terrible choices, and ugly truths. It’s also filled with a major comeback, peace in my soul, and a grace that saved me.

It began when I was 12 years old and attending vacation bible school at a local church, when I declared that I had received Jesus as my Savior. I did it because some of my friends did it and I felt pressured. A few days later, I realized I had no idea what that really meant.

I felt guilty and embarrassed about this lie but too ashamed and afraid to tell anyone. I went on to church and pretended and was even baptized. As the years went by, I learned to live with the guilt and forgot about it as I went on into my teen years. I was very promiscuous as an older teen and a young woman. I married at the age of 17 to my childhood sweetheart and it lasted less than a year.

By this time, I was very rebellious against God and was only concerned with what I thought was fun and pleasure, doing whatever I wanted with no concern for anyone but myself, especially God. I was out of control, but I had learned to hide it well, or so I thought. I remarried and had a beautiful baby boy and a happy life. Due to my old habits, sin and a desire for more of the world, this marriage only lasted 6 years. It ended in divorce. It was my own doing.

Now I was older and had a new group of friends that were living the lifestyle that I thought I wanted, and I set out to make it happen. So, I headed down the same sinful path that I had been on before with no idea that I was actually following after Satan, the enemy of my soul, and was playing right along with his plan for my destruction. Living on my own now, with my small son, I realized I was fooling no one. My life was now speaking for itself.

I met and married my third husband. With wrong motives and a desire for a different and better life, I had no idea that this was a huge mistake. I knew nothing of domestic violence and had no concern that he drank too much as I regularly joined him in his favorite vice.

In a couple of years, my second son was born. When he was two years old, we moved to a new town, and no one knew me making it possible for me to once again pretend I was someone I was not. So, we began attending a small church and the children loved it. My older son, now old enough to attend a summer Bible camp with the church, came home at the end of the week and announced that he had received Jesus as his Savior while there. Although I was happy, I really didn’t know what to say or do, remembering my own experience. I did not want him to go through what I had.

At some point in our conversation, he asked me how you can be sure you are saved. I was certainly not the one to answer that question. So, I called the pastor of our little church and explained the situation and asked him to come and speak to my son and reassure him. He came that night and had a long conversation with him and by the time he left, all was well with my son, and he had assurance of his salvation.

However, all was not well with me. As I had listened to their conversation, the words opened my eyes and cut me to the core. After he left and my son was in bed, I prayed. I must have confessed my whole life and all my sins and asked for forgiveness. Jesus forgave me and my life was changed. I wanted to be sure that if one of my children ever asked me again how to be sure if they were really saved, I would be able to tell them!

Looking back, after all these years, I know that Jesus was protecting me, loving me and calling me to Himself even during those years I had ignored Him. What an awesome loving Savior! I realized that God’s grace is greater than all my sin!

2 Peter 3:9. “The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some count slackness, but is longsuffering towards us, not willing that any should perish but all should come to repentance.”